The Basic Anomalies Surrounding Magic
by settingthesunrise
Summary: What made Lily Evans, Lily Evans? Who were Sirius Black and the rest of the Marauders to her before she married one of them? An exposé on the true Lily Evans from the view of a sometimes-maybe outsider looking in.
1. Chapter 1

The Basic Anomalies Surrounding Magic

Life of a teenage muggle-born is rough; anyone who is one will tell you that.

The life of Lily Evans was practically an ocean during a hurricane, which can only be described in one complete word: chaos.

Let's add up the facts here. First, Voldemort is all up on the muggle-borns, and Lily, being an especially special muggle-born is an obvious target. Lily is special because- well, she just is, okay?

Yeah, Lily Evans' ego is bigger than Sirius Black's, and that's saying something. The only thing that differentiates them is Lily's a closet egotistical maniac, while Sirius Black flaunts his arrogance. But oh, how Lily Evans loves Sirius Black.

Not romantically, of course. That would be disgusting. No, Lily Evans loves Sirius Black in the same manner that he loves her- platonically. Sirius Black saves seats for her in the Great Hall, and when no one asks Lily to Hogsmeade that she actually likes, Sirius Black goes with her. He acts as her gay best friend, but the student population is seen wrong again and again by the growing number of notches in his bed post that Sirius Black is most certainly _not_ gay. Anyway, Lily Evans and Sirius Black are almost never without the other, and when they are, Sirius is with James Potter, and Lily Evans is off bullying Severus Snape. James Potter comes later, and will be explained in due time. Severus Snape comes in now.

Sirius has only one _friend_ that's a girl, for he has many girlfriends, and her name is Lily Evans. In sixth year, when Sirius Black almost killed Severus Snape, she was really, really, mad at him. He apologized, and she got over it, which was kind of suspicious because when Severus Snape called Lily Evans a Mud Blood in fifth year after being her best friend before James Potter and Sirius Black had even known each other, Lily still hasn't forgiven him, and that was two years ago. But, that little anomaly was just written off as a trait of a ginger, because if anyone was an anomaly, it was a ginger witch. They have very fiery tempers, did you know?

Then, very suddenly in fact, Lily lost her ability to hold grudges once more. This time, she stopped holding her grudges against James Potter. Yeah, you were probably thinking she stopped holding grudges against Severus Snape, huh? Well, you're wrong. And not only are you wrong, Lily Evans is right. _Always_. So don't forget it, or Remus Lupin might hex you. Anyway, when Lily Evans was asked out by James Potter after he won the quidditch House Cup in May of their sixth year, Lily Evans said yes. James Potter didn't even know what to say, so he stood there until she walked away. He didn't chase after her, and the whole house of Gryffindor was awkward for the rest of the month. Summer came and went, and when they got back to school, Lily Evans no longer hated James Potter and James Potter was over his initial shock.

Remus Lupin was deemed to be the most ineligible bachelors in school by Amelia Bones, whose words had a cult following. If the wizarding world wasn't utterly and entirely chauvinistic in creation, Amelia Bones might be, hands down, no questions asked, Minister of Magic. However, it is chauvinistic in creation, and Amelia Bones is reduced to how closely people listen to her repressed extensive knowledgeable in the inside life of Remus Lupin, who is apparently a secret Star Wars fanatic and chocolate addict. She even went as far as to say that Remus Lupin went to a twelve step program for his unceasing nibbling on the sweet treat. Remus denied everything, of course.

Lily Evans and Remus Lupin weren't as close as she was with Sirius Black, but it was a damn close second. Lily was the only girl that hadn't worshipped the ground Amelia had spat upon in distaste, despite the eventual departure of Amelia Bones at the end her fourth year. Remus, obviously, very much appreciated this. Merlin knows why Lily Evans did this for Remus Lupin, because she certainly didn't do much for anyone else.

Even little Peter Pettigrew, who turned out to have a good reason to be despised by our not-so-magnanimous muggle-born witch-heroine, loved Lily Evans.

In this lies the greatest beauty that Lily Evans possesses. It isn't her vivid green eyes, her long shiny red hair, her perfect body, or her muggle-born tendencies. It is her _anomalies_ that make her Sirius Black's close friend, Remus Lupin's protector, a target of the wizarding world, and one of the most chased after ginger witches to ever become a Gryffindor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

What's that? You want to hear the story behind the awesome, beautiful anomaly that is Lily? Sorry folks, but to hear the story behind Lily Evans, you have to hear mine.

A story which, quite coincidentally, starts off at the beginning of my seventh year attending Hogwarts as a Ravenclaw with an irrational fear of being an anomaly. What good story doesn't?

_What do you think? Read and Review, please and thank you! _


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2: _

_In which a deal is made, an essay is completed, and a confession is admitted._

"How goes it, milady?" I looked up from a last minute essay for Transfiguration that I only remembered to do this morning even though it had been assigned approximately a week ago. Standing in front of me was someone whose face was blocked out by the-

Who am I kidding? The sun doesn't shine during the month of October at Hogwarts.

Standing in front of me was Sirius Black, attached at the hip with Lily Evans on one side, James Potter on the other. Just being around them made my ears pop from the obvious sexual tension Sirius was always oblivious to.

"Dearest Sirius and floozies, to what do I owe this great honor of your acknowledgment of my existence?" I responded dramatically as I went back to finishing the last six inches. The essay was absolute shit, of course, seeing as I had been doing it at random intervals and had poked several holes in the parchment with my quill. I didn't have to look up to gauge their reactions.

Lily would turn as red as her hair, James would run a hand through his, and Sirius would bark out a laugh. I had been an observer of their group for years, as had many of the student population of Hogwarts, and knew most of their habits and haunts. For example: nine times out of ten, if Sirius Black was mysteriously missing, you could probably find him in the astronomy tower. Everyone knows that astronomy tower is only used for sex, see, so there you go. I suppose the really weird ones like Severus Snape actually used the astronomy tower for astronomy, but it was highly speculated that Severus Snape also didn't wash his hair.

"I am _not _a floozy, Rebecca." Lily stomped her foot in my down casted vision. I sighed, blowing out my unevenly cut bangs from when I had let my sister try to pretend she was a beautician.

"Lily, Lily, Lily. Your mere presence amuses me and inspires the every fiber of my being, especially with your audacious arguments that make me rethink my every planetary conception. Inspiring, truly." I heard her huff in frustration and I smiled down at my essay. Four more inches, five more minutes. I could actually pull this off.

"Calm down, Lils. You knew she would say that, I warned you," James soothed over Sirius' shoulder. I contemplated the situation while rambling on about the complex understanding of color changes in ink in my homework. Considering all the past dealings I had with the Marauders, Sirius and James specifically, the only reason they came to me was when something was shady. I had no idea why, maybe because I could keep a secret, maybe because I could beat any of them in a duel. The world may never know.

"Yes! Sweet, harmonious, victory at last," I celebrated suddenly in the middle of what I'm sure was a bonding moment between the trio of fabulously good looking people. It honestly didn't matter, because I had possibled the impossible, discovered the undiscovered, and finished the unfinished. I would fail anyway, due to the amount of chicken shit I had poured into the essay, but at least I had something to turn in. I finally glanced at the people standing in front of me, raising my eyebrows at them in anticipation. They stood frozen in shock, before Sirius' face split into his wide, take-me-now, grin.

"Ah, Collins, can always rely on you for a good surprise." I sit back and wait casually for the inevitable suave segue as I sit back down on my rock about halfway from the castle and Hagrid's hut, the latter of which I've spent most of the day hiding in between classes to finish the essay. "Speaking of good surprises…"

"Cut the shit, Black. What do the Marauders need this time? Another fancy spell? I'm kind of busy; as I'm sure you should be as well. We've got a class in two minutes." I started to walk off, but James stood in my way. James, as it seemed, was always in my way.

James Potter could possibly be one of the most complex people in the world, aside from his lovely Lily-flower. I wasn't exactly sure what to make of him. He was arrogant, but most of the time his bragger wasn't flaunting, it was being honest. He was an arse, but only to please the people he actually liked. Mob mentality, meet James Potter, your new poster child.

"Amanda, please. Just hear us out." His magnified eyes from his nearly legally blind prescription glasses searched mine. It was almost pathetic.

"I," I paused, deliberating, "alright. Fine, hit me with the disastrous plan that will give me another three months of Saturday detentions." James smiled at me and released my arm from his death grip. I looked over at Lily, who appeared to be giving me glares usually reserved for her ex-best friend, Severus.

"We just want you to be friends with Lily. That's all. You don't need to do anything under the table, because it's just plain and simple," James said hopefully, and I wanted to pinch his cheek he was just so bloody cute. Then it hit me.

Friends with Lily Evans? My schedule was tight as it was, with trying to find a decent submission article for any hope for a job at the Daily Prophet, and even if the article was award winning, it was almost guaranteed I would have to work my way up under the dreadful _Rita Skeeter_, who could write a killer article, but more than likely it wasn't hard hitting.

Maybe this could be my ticket. An exposé on one of the most cryptic people at Hogwarts, the highly revered Lily Evans. What an exclamation point that would be, I can only imagine. So, I did the only logical thing a person could do with the proposition to boost her future career; I accepted.

"Yeah, sure. That sounds fine." They all three stared at me in unmoving shock. I waited for a little bit before I remembered my so-called tight schedule that told me that I was already five minutes late for Transfiguration. A Ravenclaw was never late. They still stood in my way, and I was now sufficiently frustrated. "What do you expect me to do, burst into song? Out of my way, I'm late."

I pushed through the throng, storming back to the castle, only to hear a parade of fast moving feet behind me. Merlin they were stalking me. "Wait, Amanda!" It was Lily calling to me now, my new faux-best friend.

"Yes, Lily Evans?" I turned around to find that she was nose to nose with me.

"Do you want to know why?" I thought it over, taking a step backwards, away from her scarily bright green eyes. Finally, I shook my head.

"No, not really. I figure that I'll figure it out eventually." I offered her my hand, which she eyed warily. "Come on, Lily, don't have a hernia. I'm a Ravenclaw, not a death eater."

"No ulterior motives, eh, Collins?" Lily tried to clarify with me while we shook hands. I looked her straight in the eye to give my answer, my mud brown eyes tacky next to her green.

"Not in the slightest, Evans." What she didn't know couldn't hurt her. This was turning out to be a beautiful friendship.

"What a joke. Lily-flower, Amanda always has an ulterior motive, so don't believe a single bloody thing that comes out of her mouth. Ravenclaw or not, remember who her parents are." I snarled when Sirius said this. No one at Hogwarts knew about my parents except the staff, Sirius Black, and Elton Meyers, my real best friend from Ravenclaw. The only reason Sirius knew was because his parents were friends with mine. My parents, who were, at the moment, tucked into the farthest corner of Azkaban as the world could put them. Which is where they deserved to be, but if there was one thing I didn't want on my plate is was Sirius going around spreading lies.

Merlin left trainer, I wish I wasn't desperately in love with Sirius Black. "Shut up, Sirius. At least my other family members aren't in the ring as well. How is good old Regulus these days? Heard he got a new tattoo. Mummy Black will be most pleased," I giggled sadistically.

"Amanda, you are one of the biggest fascists I have ever met in my life," Sirius growled at me, but he was smiling his beautiful, always present smile. My insides felt gooey.

"Sirius, you flatter me so," I giggled. Lily and James gave us disgusted looks, and it snapped me back to really.

"Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger," I muttered as I sprinted off randomly during the middle of my conversation towards the castle. I was going to make it to Transfiguration if it was the last thing I did today, and I was going to turn in the bloody essay.

So, this was what was on my plate. An unrequited love for Sirius Black, a false friendship with Lily Evans, a random James Potter, and I'm late for class. Fucking fantastic. Also, it was seventh year, stressing the jobs after Hogwarts was getting tedious. This exposé on Lily better be amazing, because I'm sure as hell _not_ working for Rita bloody Skeeter.

"Collins, wait!" Lily called again, but she was much farther away than before. I was more athletic than I had thought to be able to run so fast. "You forgot your essay!"

Bloody bugger shit hoe-bag, I had. Merlin let the end come quick, and let me get on to the Daily Prophet and out of Hogwarts as fast as possible.

_ That awkward moment where you forget the disclaimer because you never had to write one before… Sorry J.K. Rowling._

_ Can we still be besties? I kid, I kid. Okay. Here… we… go. Review and stuff._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Attention! There has been a mistake in the last chapter! Amanda Collins does not have a sister! I repeat, Amanda Collins does not have a sister! Oh, and I'm sorry that last chapter was such complete bullocks. Okay, I think that's it. Thanks to my one reviewer Cassia4u. You're a doll.**

_Chapter Three:_

_In which we meet Elton, plot against Snape, and learn to not put Pegasi in the toilet._

I slipped in through the back door with what I thought was a surreptitious movement, but Professor McGonagall's cat eyes snapped up to meet mine as I sat down next to Elton.

"Miss Collins, late for class again. Five points from Ravenclaw, per usual." I smiled my best evil smile at her as she scribbled something down on a piece of parchment, a ruse to avoid my eyes, I'm sure.

"C'mon, Professor. I'll raise you ten, double or nothing," I offered. Elton snickered, and the rest of the class ignored that I was a person, like normal. I mean, even Lily Evans had called me _Rebecca _earlier. My name was most certainly not _Rebecca_.

"Double it, then. Ten points from Ravenclaw." Damn, she was good. This was just the relationship Professor McGonagall brought on herself. I tried to keep up with the rules, really I did, but following the authority figure definitely didn't run in my blood. Unless you count your authority figures to be ruthless demons that kill innocent children, which I sincerely hope you do not.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're very skilled in mind games, Professor?" Professor McGonagall finally looked up from the piece of paper to arch her eyebrow at me. I could feel the ice emanating from her in the back of the class.

"Only my ex-husband, Miss Collins." I let out a surprised laugh, along with Elton who pretended it was a cough.

"Merlin's left trainer, did you just make a joke ma'am?"

"Don't be late again," she blew me off and went back to her parchment. Sometimes, I pretended that McGonagall and I were friends, but I'm pretty sure she thought I was just annoying.

We sat in silence for a couple minutes more, taking notes on what McGonagall had written on the board before I leaned over and whispered to Elton, "You'll never guess what just happened to me."

He didn't look up from his notes, a recurring theme in this class. Everybody is a git today. "You almost got trampled by a baby Pegasus that Hagrid was trying to hide in his toilet," he deadpanned. I frowned at him, which he didn't see.

"No, silly, why would Hagrid keep a Pegasus in his toilet? The water is bad for their wings." He looked up only to roll his baby blues at me. I plundered on. "James Potter and Lily Evans want me to pretend to be friends with Lily."

Elton stared at me dumbly. "Okay, so what?"

I smacked him in the arm with my fist. "So now I have a paper I can write about the inside life of Lily Evans! What makes her so-?"

"Attractive? Smart? Fit? Funny? Kind?" I hit him again, and he rubbed the spot, mumbling something about child abuse affecting the minds of adolescent teens for the rest of their life starting with their best friends. I ignored him.

"What makes her different," I said, probably louder than I meant to because Susan Higgins turned around and gave Elton and me a look that could make small children cry. "Oh," I added nonchalantly, leaning back in my chair and giving up the pretense of even taking notes in the first place, "Sirius was there. We flirted. It was amazing."

Elton looked up with real interest this time, smiling hugely. He knew about my crush on Sirius better than anyone. He had also been one of the only people that I told about it not tell me that he was way out of my league. "Will it take away some of my masculinity points if I squeal?"

I laughed, partially because I felt like squealing as well. McGonagall was able to sniff out any sign of happiness better than Remus Lupin could sniff out chocolate, and barked out, "Collins, Meyers, silence in my classroom!"

So we stopped talking for the rest of class, only making interactions through meaningful looks.

Remus Lupin was here, but he sat in his desk by himself, seeing as Lily was his seat partner and she hadn't shown up for class. The desk behind him was also empty, because Sirius and James hadn't come either, and Peter Pettigrew didn't have enough smarts to get into advanced Transfiguration.

This couldn't be easily overlooked; James and Lily were heads this year. What was going on with the world? McGonagall didn't even seem to care! I thought about saying something to Elton, I'm sure Susan Higgins would have turned around again and done more than give me a death glare. Bullocks to the overachievers, I say.

"Merlin, I feel a zit coming on," I groaned as Elton and I filed out of the classroom after everyone else so I could turn in my essay. He stopped me with his arm to examine my face. I let him, because when I felt zits coming on, it usually meant I was about to start my period. Elton knew to hide when it was my time of the month.

"Amy, there isn't even a spot." I ran my hand over my face and yanked my arm away from his.

"Doesn't matter, git, you don't have to see it to feel it." He laughed at my pain as we stepped onto one of the moving staircases that would take us down to the dungeons for Potions with Slughorn.

"If that wasn't about a zit, I would almost comment about how philosophical you just were," Elton choked out. I scowled, but this was our relationship. I complained, he mocked, but we were always going to be there for each other in the end.

"Oi, watch it, _Amanda_," Bellatrix spat out at me as she and Regulus Black sped down the staircase, pausing only to push me out of her way. Probably trying to escape Hogwarts to see their dearest dark lord.

"Ignore them, Ames. They're just a bunch of haters. Haters got to hate." I eyed him warily. Lately, Elton has been obsessed with all things muggle, usually only focusing it in on his Muggle Studies class, but sometimes it boiled over and no one in the general vicinity knew what he was blabbing on about. Lately all he could talk about was a popular muggle singer that had the same first name as him.

Elton's mum was a witch, and his dad was a muggle, but when Ms. Meyers told Elton's dad that she was pregnant and a witch, he got out of there faster than she could blink. Ms. Meyers has been struggling to make ends meet for years, plus Elton has grown up without a father figure. I don't know if my dad really counted as a father figure, but he was something.

After my parents had finally been carted off to Azkaban the summer after first year, Ms. Meyers let me stay at her house. She's better than any mum I could have ever hoped for.

"I'm so hungry. Skipped lunch to finish that bloody essay at Hagrid's house, so I need dinner now. What time is it?" I queried. Elton thought about, and then a slow smile crept over his face.

"Time for you to get a watch," he guffawed, but I crinkled my eyebrows in confusion.

"What the hell is a watch?"

"How am I supposed to know? Learned about it in bloody Muggle Studies just yesterday, didn't I?" I laughed along with him now as we walked down the last flight of stairs that would empty us into Sluggy's lair. Twisted man; he had decided to hate me after the whole thing with my parents being death eater, and so he hated Elton by association.

"Rebecca! Rebecca, wait for me," a feminine voice called. Elton turned to look over his shoulder seeing as we were the only ones on the staircase and neither of our names was Rebecca.

"Ginger alert, ginger alert." He waggled his eyebrows at me creepily. I sighed and gestured for him to go on without me. He readily complied. A common misconception about Lily Evans was that because the male population was in love with her, she was also well liked. That rumor is false. Lily has the temper of the Devil. She usually only inflicts it onto people who piss her off, so everyone stays out of her way in an attempt to not be verbally and sometimes physically assaulted.

I turn around quickly on my heel, almost tripping in the process. Lily was on the step above me, and she was out of breath. "Are you deaf? I've been calling your name for the past minute."

I huffed out again, blowing my bangs up farther on my head. "My name is not _Rebecca_, Evans."

Her eyes widened. "It's not? Since when?"

I looked at her and felt my mouth drop open in shock. Was I being punished for coming up with an actually quite brilliant plan to help myself out in the near and dear future? "Oh, you know, last week I just got so bored with- what the hell Evans? My name has been Amanda for the past seventeen years!"

She rolled her too bright eyes at me. I made a mental note to write it down when I got back to my dormitory: no sense of humor. Possible McGonagall protégée?

"You need to walk into class with me. Certain people are in the class need to see we're friends." I shrugged at her implication. She obviously meant Severus Snape, the only person she seemed to hate now that James and she appeared to be mates, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I think everyone but the Slytherins hate him though, so I'm not sure he counts.

"Let me get this straight, you're using me to anger dear old Snape?" She looked at me dead in the eye, then over my shoulder to the open Potions door.

"Yes, that's pretty accurate. Please don't be mad," she begged. I shrugged again, because Lily never ceased to add in something else new to the equation.

Expect the unexpected, I mentally noted.

"Not at all. Let's give them a show, shall we?" I hooked my arm through hers and dragged her into the classroom. Everyone looked up, even Snape. He wrinkled his hooked nose at me, and I thought of how closely he resembled a glob of oil in that exact moment.

"Git alert to your right," I mumbled. Lily giggled like I had told her the funniest joke in the world. It was actually quite convincing. We marched through the watching pairs of eyes and I plunked down into my normal seat next to Elton, heaving Lily into the normally empty seat next to me. Sirius and James, I noticed, were still absent. However, I only shared Transfiguration and Potions with them, so maybe they were…I don't know. They were obviously somewhere.

At least Remus had Peter in this class. Lily followed my stare to Remus, who made eye contact with her and they seemed to be having a non-verbal conversation that went a little something like this:

Remus: _Why are you sitting over there?_

Lily: _Because __**Amanda**__ is the nicest person I have ever met and you and Sirius have been replaced as my best friend_.

I might have actually misinterpreted that last one, but Sluggy started his lesson and there was no use correcting myself now. He finished the instructions before I could even begin to stop droning him out, so I had no idea what was happening. I turned to ask Lily, but she had already gone to the supply cabinet, and when I turned to my right, Elton had left to. In fact, as I swiveled around in my seat, everyone seemed to know what we were doing except for me. Slughorn just gave me an evil look, so I bent beneath my desk to pretend to rummage through my bag.

"Stop stressing, Amanda," Lily said suddenly to my left, and it surprised me so much that I jerked my head up quickly. I pulled myself out from under the table, rubbing the back of my head carefully, but stopped when I recognized that Lily had not only gotten enough ingredients for herself, but for me as well.

"Lily, this could be the start of a beautiful fake friendship," I squealed excitedly, clapping my hands together with obnoxious abandon. She shushed me.

"Don't you know the concept of a secret? This isn't something everyone needs to know about," she warned me, ever so subtly jerking her head towards Snape who was eyeing us suspiciously. I bared my teeth at him, and he shook his head, but dropped his gaze. Hey, my methods might make me appear to be mental, but I get the job done.

"There are so many things I must teach you in order for us to be friends, Lils. The first thing, however, is that not only do I understand secrets, I basically coined the phrase." Elton appeared at my elbow to acknowledge Lily's presence.

"That's not an exaggeration. You might want to quit while you're ahead, Evans," Elton cautioned, winking at me. I shoved his shoulder, almost knocking his face into my now steaming pot of pale pink potion. He laughed and shrugged at her as if to say _I told you so_.

I looked back over my shoulder a couple minutes later to see that Snape was still eyeing me, watching me. It felt like I was being sized up. But I was Amanda Collins, and I wasn't going to let a wannabe death-eater judge me. He might not know my name, but I sure knew his. On top of completing my entry article for the _Prophet_, seducing Sirius Black, and finding a place to live after Hogwarts, I was so going find time to destroy Severus Snape.

**Review, ducks!**

**Oh, I don't own the fantastic world of Harry Potter. I do own Amanda. And Elton. **


	4. Chapter 4

"Quick, he's looking!"

This had been the slogan of my life for the past week. It was always, "Amanda, walk with me, Severus is coming over here," or "Quick, I think he just looked our way," and I didn't mind, not really, it was just beginning to get annoying that I was now the star of Lily's pet show. Besides that, I had gotten absolutely no where in my article. This whole process was just extremely tiring, so when Lily cued me, of course I chose this exact moment to take a quick snooze in my Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook I had been pretending to study for the past hour. It was a Saturday, for Dumbledore's sake. I didn't know that by signing up to be Lily's friend, I had been signing up for endless slave labor.

"Whommawhazit?" I yawned hugely, not bothering to hide the fact that I had been taking a nap.

"Have you been asleep? I was talking to you the whole time!" Lily shrieked loudly, and I guess maybe it was the lack of sleep that made me snap at her. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

"Sorry, Evans, but you're voice is a shrill lullaby to me. Bores me right to sleep." She ignored me, of course. Lily seemed to have a tendency to ignore things that weren't directly on the agenda like on Thursday when I stopped to watch the sunset and she ran right into me because she was finishing up some extra credit reading for Potions class.

"Look like you're intrigued with whatever I'm saying. He's coming over here," she gritted out from behind a brilliant smile. I turned to look over my shoulder only to find the greasy git himself moseying over to our library table in the corner. Arrogant arse.

"...and?" I turned back towards Lily, playing dumb. This had actually turned out to be a pet peeve of Lily's. I had already made a note of it in my journal, before you ask.

"I'll do your Potion's essay," she promised. I straightened up in my uncomfortable hundred year old wooden chair. If Lily could do my homework for me, I could focus on her exposé. Brilliant, that one. I nodded at her reluctantly, and her smile shifted from fake to genuine, back to fake.

"This sure is a step up from Black and Lupin, Lily. The child of death eater's and the mud-blood. What a pair you two make," he sneered at us, but when he spat out mud-blood at my new friend, I saw something fleeting dash across his pit less eyes. Remorse, maybe even regret? I didn't have time to register it before I was up across out of my chair with my wand under Snape's crooked nose.

"I could kill you right now, Snape. You may think that now that you have a slippery brand on your arm that you're invincible," I pushed up his sleeve with my fingers and Lily gasped behind me, but Snape didn't even flinch, "but I guarantee you that I've had worse curses used on me by the time I was ten then you have ever even read about in your entire life. Careful where you're treading, bloody git." I pushed my wand farther under his chin before pulling away and grabbing my stuff from the table.

I was already halfway towards the library doors when I heard Lily catching up with me. I didn't slow down, not even a little bit, because honestly? I didn't get angry. I got mad, sure, but I never got angry. It was scary, and I hated being scared. It was scary that I couldn't control what I did when people mentioned my parents. I was scared out of my mad, and angry that it made me scared.

"Amanda, please. He didn't mean it," Lily called as she jogged behind me and I imagined her burning hair swishing behind her, long and beautiful. I tugged at my own choppy, stringy, blonde hair in anguish. Life was cruel, wasn't she?

"Is that the lie you've been telling yourself for years? He does, Lily, he means every word. If he didn't mean it, he wouldn't have said it. Don't you get it?" I was angry again, and it was infuriating. Lily locked her eyes on mine, and I focused on slowing down my heart rate.

"Do you ever say anything that doesn't have a hint of bitterness?" Lily asked me, but she smiled, and I was shocked into laughing. Had the soulless ginger just made a joke? This was almost as surprising as McGonagall's sarcastic funny.

"Do you ever say anything that makes James Potter jump your bones any less?" It really just sort of slipped out. I'm blaming it on the shock. She laughed, and I made a mental note that she actually did have a sense of humor, dark as it was.

"I guess that's a no, then," she giggled. I couldn't stop myself from joining her. That's how we were ten minutes later, stumbling into the Great Hall, leaning against each other for support as we laughed hysterically.

"Hey, Elty," I squealed as I plopped down next to him without my support system of Lily Evans who had gone off to sit with the rest of the Gryffindors.

"You're awfully chipper, Amy," he told me, waving a potato fry in my face. I grabbed it from him.

"Who told you?" I questioned him as I made up my plate. One of the best and worst things about Elton was that he always knew what was happening in everyone's personal lives. It came in handy when I wanted a good story, but not if the story was about me.

"Tiffany Burton, actually. She had been three rows over from yours. That's practically a primary source." I rolled my eyes. One of the things I always lectured Elton on was spreading something around the school before he even knew if it was true or not.

Elton was actually fairly popular, and it was a mystery to him why I wasn't as well known as he was. I had tried to tell him dozens of times that teenage witches and wizards didn't care how smart you were; if you weren't pretty, you probably won't survive in the metaphoric jungle that is adolescence. Elton was pretty, with his tall stature, wide shoulders and deep blue eyes. Therefore, he was well known. I was not.

"Ah, right." I nodded in false agreement. He didn't notice my mockery, and started blabbing on about what Frank Longbottom had said to his girlfriend Alice today was simply the cutest thing he had ever heard someone say who had heard it from someone who had heard it from someone who had heard it from someone who had heard it from their sister who had heard it from Alice.

"And then she said that-"

"Elton, don't look now, but to your right over your shoulder, James and Lily are most definitely flirting," I mumbled to him. He turned around and looked anyway of course, it the most conspicuous way possible. I ducked under the table when he stood up to get a better look without the fat whale that was Amos Diggory getting in his line from the Hufflepuff table. "Elton Meyers!"

Elton sat down, huffing out. "That was not Lily and James flirting. That was James and Marlene McKinnon that were flirting," he corrects. I shrug at him and we both go back to eating dinner before the realization hits us both at the same time. We snap our heads up and look back over to Gryffindor table.

James has had other girlfriends before, sure, but it's always been so obvious that he doesn't like any of them and that he's just using them. Sometimes they know it, but most of the time they don't and it always ends in tears. But James Potter has never flirted with anyone but Lily Evans in his entire life because he has never had too. Somehow, he even pulls off the glasses and crazy hair. Quite a feat.

So to see James Potter flirting with Marlene McKinnon was a shock to my mind. What the hell was happening? I looked back to Lily, who was picking up at her food morosely, and I could practically feel the angst emanating off her from two tables over. Pity that she hadn't said yes to him earlier, wasn't it? Sirius, Peter, and Remus appeared to be in as much astonishment as Elton and I were, staring open-mouth at the pair while they studiously ignored them. At this point, most of the Hufflepuffs had caught on and were staring as James Potter plundered on at his seemingly successful flirting technique. Then the Ravenclaws looked up from their books, along with Elton and I, to gawk, then the Slytherins… well, you get it.

I think James was getting really tired of it, actually. I don't know what clued me into it. Probably how he touched his hair incessantly, even more than usual, or how bright red his face turned. Finally he stood up, abruptly ending the conversation with Marlene to yell at us.

"WILL EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME _ALONE_?" James screamed. The Great Hall was completely silent, and even Dumbledore stopped talking to McGonagall to look at James. He turned even redder, made his hair even messier, and stormed out of the Hall in a rush. Sirius got up and followed, while Marlene-the little slut-looked after him in fright. Truly, James Potter had scared the students many times with his hundreds of pranks, but I don't ever recall the smile being absent from his face while he did it. It seemed James had slipped up and dropped his wall of cool before he could stop it. This was something that just did not occur.

Elton, of course, smelled gossip, and while everyone slowly went back to what they were doing, even Lily, he made me forsake my perfectly good dinner to get the juicy story first hand. Sometimes he was a real pain in my arse, you know?

We pushed open the heavy oak doors and followed the sound of voices down the hall to an abandoned classroom. Most classrooms were abandoned in Hogwarts. It's like the founders were asking us to procreate at a young age inside the castle. This was why I hesitated before just barging in. Voices, empty classroom, come on. I can't be the only pervert out there.

"…was almost working," James was saying insistently, "but those prats-"

He cut off when the door closed loudly than we had intended it to. They both whipped their heads toward us, and I tried to hide behind Elton who tried to hide behind me, which is ridiculous because he is a good head and a half taller than me.

"What are you two doing in here?" Sirius spat out, looking disgusted. Elton looked at me with confusion at the same time I realized what he was implying. "Can't you see this is occupied? Horny little pissers."

I stared at him, astonished. Date Elton? Don't make me barf. "I could ask you the same thing," I retorted, my voice making me sound a lot more confident than I actually was.

James jumped away from Sirius, flying over a desk and landing on his bum. Elton, Sirius, and I all laughed mercilessly at him as he rubbed his bruising bottom. "So, if you guys aren't shagging, why are you in here?"

"To spy on you, of course. Quite a show you put on out there, Potter. Magnifique." Elton applauded mockingly, but the sting was lessened by the amusement that was plainly written across his face.

"Thanks," James muttered, still wincing in pain. Sirius decided to jump in.

"Prongs here was just trying to get the girl," he spoke truthfully. James groaned, but it sounded more out of embarrassment than pain.

"James, you're going to have to do better than that. Making her jealous just isn't going to cut it these days. However," I paused and winked at Elton before turning back to James, "she did seem to look a little down when it was obvious you weren't interested anymore."

James, who had been looking offended up until this point, now perked up, pushing his glasses farther up his nose from where they had been jarred down during his "graceful" tumble.

"She looked sad?" He asked, excitement coloring his tone. He looked at Sirius as if to say _I told you so_.

Elton caught on then. "Oh yeah, depressed, to tell the truth." James now wore a blinding smile, and for the life of me I couldn't fathom why putting a girl he apparently liked through pain was joyful to him.

"That's why," I started, then stopped.

"That's why," Sirius picked up where I left off, sensing my distress, "that's why Amanda has come up with a genius plan that she told me about. Yesterday, you know, before…" he trailed off again.

"What? What plan? I always make the plans!" James protested.

"Yeah, because that's succeeded so well in the past, mate." Sirius rolled his eyes while James pouted.

I pounced on the opening. "Right, so here's the plan," I wracked my brains, thinking of all the rants Lily had gone on about James in the past week. Not that many, but I had watched her rant and rave to whoever would listen for years, so I knew what to say. "First off, you have to stop touching your hair. Frankly, it's disgusting. I said stop!"

James dropped the hand he was raising to his mop of untidy hair. "Sorry. So that's all I need to do? Boom, Lily is my girlfriend?"

This time it was Sirius who gave him so advice to our well thought out "plan", "No. Next you have to start taking things seriously," he ignored James's laugh at the unintended pun that just punctuated his point, "because I know you do and it pisses me off that you don't do it in public."

He thought about that for a moment, and didn't touch his hair the whole time. It made me proud. "Okay, that makes sense."

"Now you have to play hard to get," Elton chimed in cheerfully. I nodded in agreement, feeling like this muggle toy Elton's mum got for me last Christmas of a little man who nodded his head over and over*. It was actually way more fun to play with that it sounds.

"Hard to get?" It was James's turn to look confused now. "How am I supposed to play hard to get? I'm right here," he pointed to himself.

All three of us groaned in exasperation. "You have much to learn, grasshopper," Elton quoted sagely. I did recognized this one from something he called a _welly_. It had a screen with bright pictures. Muggles really did make the damndest things.

So began my second plight in the goal of writing an award winning article of Lily Evans. Mixing a little love in the equation could never hurt anyone, could it?

***Amanda is talking about a bobble head.**

**Okay, let's get down to business (to defeat, the Huns). But seriously. I am getting no reviews. Make me cry, why don't you? I kid, I kid.**

**I'm sorry that these first couple chapters suck, and I thought I could get some really good chapter in on this one, but I obviously failed, so I'm hoping for the next one.**

**Don't own. **

**Review! **


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter Five:_

_In which we discover James has grown a pair, Sirius attempts to be a gentleman, and Amanda is conflicted._

Lily was sucking on another bloody sugar quill. She went through those oddly shaped candies like Sirius went through women. Actually, I can come up with a better one. She ate more sugar quills in one day than Severus Snape washed his hair in a year. See, told you I could do better. Lily ate sugar quills every day, if not twice a day. I don't know who supplied her, but they were like muggle drugs to her. The note in my journal I had made about it said:

_ Lily Evans eats a lot of candies. How is she not a fat lard?_

It was a valid question, you have to admit.

I don't even know why she had the candy anyway; we were just sitting around in Hagrid's hut, skipping lunch. Elton had passed on his invitation to join us. He had been acting weird lately, and I don't think he liked Lily very much, if at all. I tried to boost my confidence by thinking he was jealous of Lily and I being better friends then him and I were, but I knew he probably just didn't care. More than likely, he was keeping a secret from me. I didn't want to push it yet, but it was starting to get on my nerves. We hardly ever keep secrets from one another.

I felt my skin crawl and stand up all of the sudden, distracting me from quiet contemplation. It felt almost like someone was watching me. I scratched the back of my neck uneasily, and jumped when Hagrid slammed my oversized mug down on the table before me.

"Hagrid, do you ever get the feeling you're being watched?" I asked him as I took a small sip from the glass. It tasted like dog food that Bellatrix had dared me to eat when I was seven at her annual Christmas Ball.

"Sorry, 's probably th' Uranian Trollobies. I fergot to feed 'em today." The first thing I learned about Rubeus Hagrid in my first year at Hogwarts was that he was always finding magical creatures and trying to raise them as his own. Fortunately, the only one that I had ever seen him keep was a little puppy, which I had named Fang on account of the irony. Fang was the cutest, sweetest puppy in the world, but that's not entirely the reason why I had named him that. In sixth year, I'd had a muggle boyfriend who had named himself Fang and rode motorbikes and had piercings and tattoos everywhere. Fang stuck around long enough to take my virginity and leave, but it wasn't that big of a deal because I'm pretty sure I took his too. He wasn't as tough as he looked, and neither was the little puppy that looked absolutely ferocious, but was scared when a bird cawed at him.

"Lily, I feel like someone is stalking us. Let's leave," I pleaded with Lily. She just rolled her eyes as she licked the extra sugar of the sugar quill that was no more of her fingertips.

"Amanda, calm down. So, last night, James and I were on patrol," she started. I zoned out and started to look around the hut. There was no way my instincts of danger could fail me. Uranian Trollobies my left arse cheek, someone was watching us. "And he kissed me," she finished, nonplussed.

I snapped back to attention. It had only been a few days since Elton and I had come up with a plan to win Lily for James with Sirius and his best mate. Obviously, it was so far so good.

"Really?" I asked in fake wonderment, "and what did you do?"

"Yeh finally let 'im kiss yeh, eh, Lily?" Hagrid looked amusedly down at her from across the table. I shot him a glare to let him know that Lily was most likely about to self destruct on us if we asked questions she had already answered. One of the things I had gathered about her was that she was intolerant towards tedium. He seemed to get my warning and announced he was going to take Fang for a walk and that class was starting and we better be on our way.

Lily answered my casual question as we strolled out of the hut and towards the castle in no hurry at all. "I let him kiss me, obviously. I won't say that I like James, because I don't, but I enjoy being around him and I don't want to risk our friendship due to immediate rejection. However, if he tries to assault me like that again, I will have no choice but to chop off his tongue and feed it to the Giant Squid. I find James attractive, sure, who doesn't, but I will not accept that I be manhandled like a common chew toy. There is more than one reason as to why Severus and I are no longer friends, isn't there?"

I nodded, but kept silent. I could almost feel her anger from here as she tried to out walk me. I had to jog to keep up with her long legs all the way to the castle doors as Filch tried to shut them in our face.

We hurried up four flights of stairs before someone else tried to shut another door in our faces, but this time it was McGonagall. Lily hurried to the empty seat next to Remus and I took my obligatory one next to Elton, who continued to stare straight at the wall in front of him and ignore my existence until I acknowledged his, per usual.

"Hello, Elton," I sighed as heavily as I could to show him my displeasure at his childish behavior. He ignored that too.

"Amanda, you'll never guess what I just heard," he gushed, beaming at me brightly. I giggled, much to his dismay. "What the bloody hell is so funny?"

"Let me guess, you heard from Regina Chatsworth, who heard it from the sister of Hannah Greensburg, who was, coincidently, in the Gryffindor common room when Lily came in last night to tell her friend Alice that she kissed James Potter on heads patrol, who told Marlene MacKinnon immediately afterward, who told Hannah Greensburg, because she was just right there, even though she's in second year and doesn't really know who Lily Evans even is."

"Close," he winked. "I heard it from James."

James? James? _James_? Oh, dear Merlin, he was a primary source. Did he understand what he had done by committing such an atrocious treason as to tell the school gossip commander about his romantic snogging at midnight? We were going to have to have a serious sit down about this offense at the repercussions to his ultimate goal of obtaining Lily.

I was about to respond and tell Elton such as that, but McGonagall had started and I didn't want detention. Last time I had one for talking, I was stuck cleaning the trophy case with Peter Pettigrew who kept looking at my bum and calling me Emily.

After learning a captivating lesson on how to change a chair into a tangerine, class was finally over with and everyone streamed into the hallway. I glanced back at Lily, who was making her way over to us with Remus Lupin close on her tail.

"That was actually really interesting, don't you agree, Elt?" I asked him, bumping his shoulder once to convey the immediate need for pleasant and occupying conversation. I did not want another Lily-rant right before Potions.

"Oh, yes, Ames, the gradual transfiguration of an inanimate object is most intriguing. No doubt I will have visions of chairs turning into fruits dancing in my head tonight," he replied jovially, shifting his bag to his other shoulder uncomfortably.

"Amanda, shut up. I know you're trying to ignore me," Lily interrupted. I widened my eyes and dropped my mouth as she shouldered in between Elton and I. I looked to my left for an escape but Lily had posted Remus on guard.

"Good afternoon, Remus," I greeted him as we ascended into the dungeon. He smiled briefly at me before he adorned his mask of quiet submission once again.

"And you," he paused. I waited. Oh, he had forgotten my name. Right, who hasn't at some point in their lives?

"Amanda. Amanda Collins," I introduced myself to him again. "We've had Transfiguration together for the past seven years."

"I know," he whispered quietly before leaving my side to go sit at a table with Peter.

"Amanda, what's this I'm hearing about James and me shagging in the Forbidden Forrest last night?" Lily barged in. I rolled my eyes and sat down at my table with Elton.

"It wasn't me," I shrugged. I looked up into her eyes, brown clashing with a brilliant green. She scanned my face before nodding and flouncing off to sit with Sirius. James, it appeared when he walked into class a few minutes late, would be working by himself.

"Poisons are the deadliest of all potions," Slughorn announced grandly, clapping his hands together and officially signifying the start of class.

"Obviously," Elton leaned his head toward mine to whisper, under his breath, a snide comment. I snorted and covered my mouth, but it was too late. Slughorn had already landed his beady eyes onto my blasphemous, loud-noise-making face.

"Miss Collins, would you care to share what is so comical about the Black Death?" I lowered my gaze and my hand to answer.

"No, sir," someone said that wasn't me, or Elton either. I turned in my seat to the sourced of the voice, my face paling when I realized who it was. "But I would."

Everyone's eyes bounced back and forth from Slughorn's puce colored mug to Sirius's Adonis-ness. "Alright then, Black. Spit it out."

No, Sirius. Do not spit it out. "Maybe Amanda wasn't laughing at the poison, but more at how your stomach bounces up and down every time you say something." He spit it out.

Slughorn's face, if even possible, turned a more violent magenta than it already was. "Out of my classroom, Black, and take Collins with you. Twenty points from both of your houses, and detention tonight at eight. Out!" he roared.

I gathered my books as quickly as possible, jogging out of the classroom even faster. I felt Lily's disapproving eyes all the way, and Elton's silently laughing ones. As much as I might hate to admit it, these two were my only friends, and I wasn't getting any sympathy from either of them. Woe is me. I know what my mother would have said. _Amanda, you should not be associating with mud-bloods. _Good old mum, always that little voice in the back of my head when I needed it most.

I was already halfway to the Ravenclaw common room when I realized Sirius was still following me. I turned on him sharply, and he ceased his chase quickly. "What do you want? A treat?" I snarled at him sarcastically.

He grinned. "A milkbone would suffice," he laughed. I felt like this little comment had an indefinitely deeper meaning than I could fathom. An inside joke, perhaps.

"Good one," I muttered, stomping off again. He kept my pace beside me, continuing to try out conversation.

"Let's leave." I looked up at him, scoffing. His eyes matched the weather outside, thoughtful and perpetually cloudy.

"Sirius, we just got kicked out of class. We can't leave the castle anyway, it's against the rules." He barked out at laugh and swung his arm over my shoulder.

"Amanda, Amanda, Amanda," he chuckled. I shrugged off his arm contemptuously. "When will you learn? My very existence breaks all the rules."

Merlin, he was attractive. No, he just got me in trouble. Stay focused, Amanda. "Charming, really. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go take some notes for Defense Against the Dark Arts." I tried to walk away, but he caught my arm.

"I know you're pissed, Collins. I just didn't want to watch you get bullied." Sirius's eyes smoldered. I don't know how they did, because smoldering usually meant they were on fire, but they were _smoldering_. "Tell you what," he said seductively. I think I drooled. "How about we take a spin on my motorcycle."

Remember that boyfriend from earlier, Fang? One of the reasons I started going out with him in the first place was because of his motorbike. Muggles sometimes made the weirdest damn things I had ever seen, but motorbikes were badass.

I tried to remain aloof. "Depends. How fast can it go?" He shot me a smile that shared a million secrets within his pearly whites.

"It can fly," he said mischievously. I rolled my eyes in disbelief. This could honestly not be happening. Sirius Black randomly asking me to ditch school with him? No way.

"Yeah, let me go get my wand. It's up in my common room," I told him, and watched his face wrinkle in confusion.

"No it isn't. You just used in Transfiguration," Sirius reminded him. My eyes searched the corridor uncomfortably. He wasn't really taking this well. How am I supposed to explain to a rule breaker that I don't break rules? Ever. Not even for the boy I have a crush on.

I grabbed his shoulder lightly and stared into his eyes, trying to retain my train of thought. "Right, well, Sirius, I'm not really sure how to say this, but I can't go with you. Or actually, I could go with you, I'm just, er, not."

Sirius stiffened and nodded. My hand fell away from his shoulder uneasily and I wasn't sure what expression I was supposed to have on my face. "Oh, I get it," Sirius mumbled, disgruntled.

"See you, I guess."

"You're welcome, Collins," Sirius blurted out as I started walking away. I turned around awkwardly.

"Yes. Thank you, Black."

And that's how I single-handedly ruined any possible relationship I could've had with the infamous Sirius Black.

_Journal o' mine,_

_ Things we have thus far uncovered about the real Lily Evans, and by association, the population of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry:_

_ -She likes sugar quills_

_ -her best friend is Sirius Black_

_ -At one time, she was crushing on Snivellus_

_ -She is indifferent to one James Potter_

_ -She has a nasty temper_

I stared down at the list in dismay. This was not an award-winning article. This was a piece of shit. Elton chewed noisily on his bacon next to me. The crunches ceased as he began speaking to me, allowing breakfast foods to fly all over my journal.

"Amanda, isn't that your family owl?" he asked nervously. My head shot up, nearly giving me whiplash. I rubbed the back of my neck as a black owl flew down in front of me gracefully. We glared at each other.

"'Morning, you foul creature," I spat at her. She blinked back at me. I wondered how she was still alive. The house elf that lived at my old house probably still felt obligated to feed her. Seeing her brought back memories, horrible memories.

She hooted just as venomously at me as I greeted her, and stuck out her leg. A small scroll was tied there. I cautiously pulled it from her leg and pulled my plate and juice closer to me to avoid letting her think I care enough to give her treats for fulfilling a job I did not wish her to be doing.

As she flew away grumpily, I drew away my eyes and read the scroll quietly out loud to Elton.

_Amanda,_

_ I am home._

_ Mother._

I felt woozy as I stood up and began to run out of the Great Hall. Faintly, I heard Elton attempting to call out my name, but I knew I needed to get to a restroom, quickly.

Instead, I ended up running head first into Lily Evans. And then I puked on her shoes and passed out.

**A/N: I don't own, but I do want you to review either this story or my other story, Ten Things I Hate About You. Whichever. I don't know how long I'm going to keep updating this story, because it's getting kind of stale. Anyway, thank you to WithNoFear for reviewing. I told you I'd try to get it up. **


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